Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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