it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
