it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
