If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I will pee on everything he values.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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