3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
