i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize