Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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