Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
