Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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