Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
