at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
