If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Pants are for mortals
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
