Where did you get a picture of my penis
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
