he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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