Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize