I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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