Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize