Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
