I'm jealous of your bromance
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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