The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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