I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize