The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
soo... how was my night?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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