I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
