It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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