I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
