Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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