Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
