I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Houston, we have a squirter
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
