I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
