i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
