Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
