She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
