I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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