I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
