I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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