Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ketchup is God's man juice
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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