cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
