you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
