Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
