wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize