I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
