I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
