maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
