who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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