Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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