he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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