I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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