Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
