who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
