marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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