If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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