Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
