Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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