im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
