I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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