i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
