Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
