when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i was born a porn star she said
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
