ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
