All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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