Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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