It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
