then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just pee around me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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