based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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