Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
