I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
