I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
