i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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