just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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