Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
