I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
