you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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