I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
