I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
