Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize