i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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