Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
